Theme: STROKE OF LUCK
10.02.2021
Lucky Strike are shit to put out.
The tobacco bits glow for ages and fly everywhere.
Luckies are useless to me because I need to cut them up to smoke half.
(Edit at 12.58h: Sorry, Lucky Strike. I am retracting my statement. My last cigarette performed well. It must’ve been a couple of duds. You are 💎 )
Should I keep on smoking one cigarette a day, I should smoke Camel because it’s the brand my stepfather used to smoke.
Makes it poignant.
MAKING THINGS POIGNANT
I wonder what else I can make poignant?
To connect the dots in a conscious fashion.
I noticed it works with campaigns too. If I choose poignant dates to launch them, their connection with each other become more and more apparent. Poignant.
Anchoring and connecting the points.
Strategically.
Once something is in the right place, everything else falls into their own.
And the same.
Place.
It’s almost spooky.
I love it.
It means more than half the work is already done since it seems to work itself out.
Less work for me.
Same with my Tinder profile.
I fiddled around for ages, forever changing the images to get it where it feels right. Authentic.
The text was pretty much established at the beginning and I had a great image to match but admin kept on refusing it on the base of violation of Tinder propriety statutes.
Look who’s talking.
But … as I explained yesterday, it was fair enough since any decent bot could’ve recognised a little child feeding a banana to a turtle as improper.
That’s why I chose it in the first place.
But it also feels that Tinder has gotten too generic.
Commercial.
Congratulations, guys, you nicely smoothed out.
So why is it crashing on me all the time and getting stuck, making messaging infuriatingly impossible recently?
Is technology telling me that it’s not my platform anymore?
But I still want it to be.
It had served me so well previously to kissdate.
And I just matched with someone really interesting. Someone who wants to play.
And is insanely talented and very good looking.
And the interesting thing is …
He seems poignant. I recognise serendipitous connectors.
He happens to teach copywriting.
The chances of that.
And we both happen to use icicles (me in word, he in image) simultaneously but separately in our WhatsApp profile pics.
The chances of that.
He uses imagery and I use the word. Although he is equally good with words as I am with choosing imagery.
Wow, we are not only mirrored but mirrored diagonally.
I love it.
This is definitely a better version.
Thanks you.
Equal but mirrored.
He tells me a lot about himself.
And everything he says I can confirm. For myself.
And he mentions freedom a lot.
A word I never use.
Irony.
I know what he looks like but he doesn’t. I like what I see. A lot. But I have such trepidations about him seeing me. He asked for images which is fair enough but I’m writhing like a fish on a hook.
In a way it’s no big deal, really, it’s only a photo. Who cares.
However, it scares the shit out of me.
Deep down I presume I feel like this because I’m afraid that what he sees might not be to his taste, and him saying that he thinks I’m beautiful makes it all the worse.
Why is that?
I cringe.
Hard.
And it’s not that I think I’m ugly.
On the contrary.
But I don’t like to be appraised.
Like a slave on a market.
Interesting analogy that popped into my head.
I don’t feel connected to slavery at all. Being brought up in Germany without my Ghanaen father around, it was never about that.
In German history is was about something else. Violation or annihilation of a people.
With slavery is was about exploitation resources. Violation of land and people.
I have no intention to join the racism conversation because I don’t get it. There are two sides of each coin but with racism we seem to have got stuck with half of us assuming the victim part (staring at one side) and the bully part (staring at the other side) while both pretending they see a different coin.
Their own.
It’s boring.
I’m not playing that game.
It’s pointless.
And both sides insist they are winning.
Losers.
I don’t want to be appreciated for my looks but rather=/also all other parts of my personality, however, I appreciate good looks.
And very much so.
Why wouldn’t I want to be appreciated for it?
I have no idea.
It’s a thing I have.
Thing 3?
This morning I kept on thinking it over and over again. Asking myself why I have such a problem being visible.
Being nicely asked by him last night to send a portrait was hell for me. It felt so uncomfortable. I could not explain why. And the more he asked the more stupid, childish and silly I felt.
Rather curious.
And now I get it.
The feeling of it was as if I was asked to expose myself to him.
It felt like the equivalent to a girl asking me (the guy) to send a pic of his dick!
No wonder I was fighting so hard feeling embarrassed.
Is that our code?
Being equal, however, the gender roles are reversed. Diagonal.
I shall keep that in mind.
If this is the code, I can hack it.
Optimisation.
For the optimal experience.
My Germanity comes in handy.
I love this already.
Thank you, my talented Inhouse Design Team (IDT)
I noticed that when a guy exposes all his assets to me, it’s a turn off.
Is that because I feel he expects the same from me?
Pressure?
Even when all his assets please me enormously, it still feels like a dick pic. Why is that?
(Seems like a lot of guys’ profiles on dating platforms are actually dick pics.. well I’m not judging..it’s an..acquired taste)
I’d rather not know anything about a guy and find out for myself.
(That’s more to my..taste)
I prefer to make up my own mind since I adore surprises.
If everything is laid out for me, where is the exploration part?
The Striptease Puzzle?
The part which I find most exciting?
Then what’s the point?
I always thought that individuals who expose themselves were admirable for their honesty and transparency and that it was me who was hiding (wrongly) but now I’m not so sure.
I believe they are hiding something else.
The backend code.
The machine who runs this beauty.
That’s where the exploration lies for me.
The perfect exterior is either a fake front or the product of an immaculately matching backend. And in the same way I expect him to take time(-*aswellas-on) the exploration: he perceived a beautiful backend and wants to find out if there is an immaculately matching front(end).
OK, so it seems I already cracked the code and exposed matching dynamics.
Do I still need to date him?
Not really, it would be faster to move on and crack the next
RELATIONSHIP CODE
which is a lot of fun.
And he is matching fun.
I want to kiss those lips of his’ and I want to have an excitingly creative relationship with him.
In all inspired aspects.
So what is the decoding treatment?
What shall I do for this to work out?
Ok, he definitely is equaI to me in freakishly lots of points.
And it feels he exposes himself in his perfection to me.
Like a beautiful naked lover to another.
That means trust.
Trust to feel safe being naked although I (the other lover) am still dressed.
This could easily turn into a #metoo abuse of power scenario.
And I recognise it as such.
Stroke of luck, I am not so inclined.
I realise that he is showing me the side of me I am uncomfortable with hence I want to diffuse the gaze with my wit.
Hide my nakedness with clothes.
So in this case I have to be the one complimenting.
Marvelling at his perfection.
In a sincere way.
Which is easy because I am already doing it.
In secret.
However, I need to do it openly.
Verbally.
To hear it.
For myself.
While being myself and complementary.
Righty-ho, then …
PS. Thank you, Tinder, for making the platform a safer place for its users.
It was the fucking Wild West only 2 years ago when I started.
Please keep it edgy though …
I prefer it that way.
