Glimpsing the future
The notion of working and getting paid for it doesn’t quite compute with me.
The notion of doing something the way someone else wants you to do something and then getting paid a certain amount In order to gain access to resources and services. I feel restricted just thinking about it.
Having to get up at the same time every day, taking breaks for the same time every day … the structure. Which I craved when I didn’t have it. And now I am already a little fed up about it. Although I enjoy the tasks I do at the moment. I am being paid to write and to talk to people. This is what I want. Doing something you love and live. Loving and living.
IT’S A RELATIONSHIP
You love someone, you spend most of your daily life with them, you make a living together: they love and value you because their life would not be the same without your input. It’s team effort. And you value them in return. Appreciate.
How do I show my appreciation?
Through doing the best I can. But what is the best? Is it only what I think it is? How can I make sure it is the best for the partnership? By communicating. Talking to each other about what we want to achieve and how each can contribute efficiently. We don’t want to waste each other. The key to a successful relationship is to manage resources, efficiently.
Assess what we have and what we want to achieve, and according to that establish what we can do.
When I think about planning the future I feel restricted straight away. Why is that? Because the thought of establishing goals and then keeping to a certain set of steps in order to fulfil them fills me full of uneasy.
Why am I so dragging my feet at looking ahead?
I don’t want to plan my life out. But then isn’t that irresponsible? Am I wasting resources because I want to live in the moment?
Do I think I already have been wasteful? What do I think I have wasted?
Is it all about converting time into money?
GLIMPSING THE FUTURE
I just have to see it differently.
It’s an incredible gift.
(because it is by no means set in stone) I can glimpse from where I am now towards what the future might be. And if I don’t like what I glimpse, I can change it by changing NOW.
But what exactly am I supposed to change? What if I make the wrong change?
What change do I want?
I want money to have fun and NO responsibility!
Then WHY do I TAKE responsibility, if I don’t want it? In any situation!?
What am I actually responsible for other than creating my life? Sounds like a shit load of hard work …if I presume my life is the accumulation of a zillion parts which all need to be managed. And managing one affects the other
FUCKING MICRO MANAGING
No wonder I am exhausted sometimes. How can I manage all of them so they flow? And also into the direction I want? There is so much. My life sometimes, just sometimes, feels like I am trying to manage an army of morons. How the fuck do ants and bees do that shit?
I noticed when I micro manage, go into detail of things too much, then I get stuck, too scared to turn any which direction in fear of making mistakes in my management of detail.
I don’t want the responsibility of fucking around in my micromanagement. And there are so many details and so many opportunities to fuck it up.
is a word which makes me get a knot in my stomach
I don’t want it.
Where does responsibility come from? What is it actually?
It magically appears when I enter into a verbal or written contract with someone else …
When I enter into a work contract with a company, I then have a responsibility to honour that contract and do what I promised to do. Should be easy.
When I enter into a relationship contract with another person, I then have a responsibility to honour that contract and do what I promised. Should be easy.
Because I signed up for it. I gave my name and my word.
So I gave my name and my word and what do I get? RESPONSIBILITY I don’t want.
That to me is a shit investment … giving something and receiving something in return I don’t want.
WHY DO I GO THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?
WHAT DO I ACTUALLY BELIEVE I GAIN BY GOING INTO A CONTRACT WITH SOMEONE?
CONTRACT — CONTRACTION
OMG, no wonder it feels restrictive.
What is a contract for, written or verbal?
It is a device to hold you responsible for your actions. To make sure you do what you promised.
Do we need contracts for something like that?
Are we signing voluntarily?
I go into a work contract because I believe if I don’t, I won’t have any money to sustain myself.
I go into a relationship contract because I believe if I don’t, I won’t be loved.
WE WANT APPRECIATION — BEING VALUED.
PAID IN MONEY AND LOVE ….
We want to feel we are an asset to someone else.
But do we have to be in a contract for that?
Going into a contract also represents the notion that you might cease to be an asset to someone at some point and then the shortcomings can be highlighted against the contract, valued and consequences drawn. That also goes both ways.
SO ONLY SIGN CONTRACTS OF CO-CREATION.
BEING IN A CONTRACT WITH MYSELF.
OK, THIS IS WHAT I FUCKING WANT:
TO BE AN AMSTERDAM STYLE PHILOSOPHER
And be appreciated.
I have all the skills:
I love Amsterdam
I love observing
I love combining and uniquely collageing what I observe
I love fashion
I love styling
I see things differently
🌟WHAT’S THE STORY OF FREYA VON BULOW?
A day in the life of an Amsterdam Style Philosopher …
“I love my life in Amsterdam and consider myself extremely fortunate to be able to do exactly what I love while loving every single minute of it. So my days usually start with me getting up in the morning when I feel like it, however, I often feel the most inspired to write around 6.30–7am. Except when it is dark outside, then I just snuggle up in my bed and catch up with inspiration a little later. It will still be there. I have big windows and no curtains so it is nice to watch the dawn. And I live in one of the wealthiest neighbourhoods. So, every morning I write what inspires me that very moment. Most of it is done there and then. I sit in bed with my silk kimono and have my coffee and breakfast and type and edit away. Until lunch time. Then I get ready to go out into the city. And I walk and observe and make notes about what I experience. People Styles Moments
All of which I am documenting in my Amsterdam Diaries / Philosopher Notes Blog.
And my unique angle of all of it makes me ME.
I don’t work for it.
I just AM.
Then have lunch somewhere surprising. I don’t plan but it is usually exactly the right place.
I also always take my Museumskaart wherever I go and pop into those grand and beautiful Amsterdam buildings for free and take a coffee and read and do my work there, sitting in tea rooms and magical gardens pretending they are mine, feeling wealthy.
The Embassy of the Free Mind
The Museum van Loons
The Huis Marseille
And beautiful hotel lobbies too, I believe that’s what great writers dd, non?
They are great inspiring environments:
I frequently stop by markets and go rummaging for fashion, which I absolutely adore, and I find the most extraordinary pieces of clothing, which
I style I document I post I sell
THIS IS MY OCCUPATION And I am appreciated.
In the evenings I meet friends and my lover. Or not.
And I get to travel because my talents are universally appreciated. I get asked to contribute to documenting the Zeitgeist. And appreciated.”
Basically, I make documentaries.
About life and Amsterdam.
And I am appreciated for it.
Is that a responsibility I want?
NO. I don’t want responsibility.
Is that a pleasure I want?
I want pleasure.
Is this the fun I want?
I want fun.
So have it!!
Before I was working in an occupation for someone else, and getting paid for regularly, I was in the occupation of filling my whole day with things while not getting paid for. So what is actually the better way to spend the day? Focussed or unfocussed work?
whether for myself or for someone else does not matter
And YES, I WANT A LOT OF MONEY, but I also don’t need a lot of money, therefore
I WANT TO BE IN THE POSITION WHERE MONEY DOES NOT MATTER. TO ME