Theme: PLEASURE MAYBE
Diary entry 30.06.2021
Everything is assumption.
There is no direct experience, ever.
What am I assuming about my life?
Right now?
That I am not in control.
Because I am constantly torn between what I’m doing and what I believe I should be doing.
What do I think I should be doing?
Having.
A focus.
A home of my own.
A business.
Money.
Do I have to DO in order to HAVE?
Don’t I always have?
In essence?
Without doing?
By simply being?
And having the best of time, being?
Being what?
Being me.
What is me?
Someone who is sheltered beautifully in a space of their own.
Someone who has the best time doing exactly what they love doing and what they’re alive for.
What is that?
Whatever I want it to be.
I want to write.
And be financially supported doing that.
I want to build a fashion archive.
And be financially supported doing that.
I want to be able to spend infinite money on exactly what pleases me, enabled by what pleases me.
Pleasure win win.
What is a pleasure win win win?
- Give pleasure.
- Receive pleasure.
- Enabled by pleasure? Please myself?
Maybe.
I love maybes.
Acknowledgement that there is a maybe means a step towards the (im)possible.
What do I presume?
I notice that I silently scoff at thing which cost a lot of money.
In my perception.
Things I would like to do/have but believe I cannot afford.
Because I believe I can’t afford it, I believe that I don’t want/need it anyway.
That I can do without it.
That it’s not necessary.
But if I believed I could afford it, wouldn’t I have it? Want it? Think it is necessary?
I want to perceive things as if everything costs the same, as if I can afford everything.
What would I then base my choices on?
On fun value to me?
On pleasure value to me?
On necessity value to me?
Belief is a value.
Fun is a value to me.
Pleasure is a value to me.
Not possibility.
If I believe it is fun and pleasure, to me, it is possible.
How do I reconcile possibility and apparent lack of money?
In my head?
Presume money is infinite already.
What would I do with infinite money?
Desire.
Desire what exactly?
Things I believe have pleasure and fun value to me.
Make a list…
We perceive.
And we search for patterns.
In order to make sense of our perception.
And we find patterns upon which we build our beliefs.
Our reality is filled with them.
And is them.
And collectively we create this world (experience).
We presume that everything we perceive makes sense somehow hence we have Science.
To attempt to prove.
But what if it can’t make sense?
What if nothing makes sense but is simply the manifestation of the completeness and infinite variety of creation in its minute detail and therefore, by default, similarities do exist which we then gather into patterns?
What if every tiny ‘detail’ is no detail at all but exists in its entirety and has absolutely no connection to one another?
What if what we perceive as a detail is the entirety … with a difference?
A different entirety altogether?
Wouldn’t that mean that there are really no patterns and therefore no sense other than a made up one?
Wouldn’t it be amazing if nothing made sense?
Wouldn’t it create an amazing sense of freedom?
Science is based on research.
Which always is bias.
By default.
A flawed science established in order to create a communally accepted sense and belief.
Communal belief creates an environment from which springs activity.
Services and products.
Occupation.
To create value.
Valued.
Valid.
To validate the belief.
For example … the belief that beauty is temporary. We perceive different stages of a person and create a pattern and timeline called age and the belief in the ‘destruction’ of cells. What if each configuration is on it’s own and there exist simply different human manifestations but not in a timeline as a pattern but singularly and whole?
There would be no age, and sagging boobs and wrinkles would simply be a different body configuration, right?
No timeline, no patterns.
No time, no sense.
Time is Nonsense.
