The Magic has happened. Everything has fallen into place.

Jones is a transformed man. He is sexy and fun. He is himself. Assertive and cheeky. I don’t recognise him from the man who went into the clinic a week ago.

But I recognise him.

This is the man I fell in love with.

Shady’s back

For a moment I have to admit I went into my expectation mode. I wanted to do things my way, going to the park, doing this and doing that …..constantly making tweaks in search of perfection. But then I relaxed and made him get on with it. And we had so much fun. It was perfection. For the first time we properly hung out.

Like couple mates.

We stood in my kitchen and did some cooking. We functioned as a team, made sushi and watched movies.

And we talked.

And made love.

Jones handles me differently too. He consciously and tenderly caresses me.

Before we would mainly only fuck. Which is fun too.

But this is different.

He kisses differently.

This is proper

The Age of Adeline

I don’t care for Michiel anymore … although he is insanely hot.


There was a moment last night where I felt that

This is my cosmic order … early


Is this poetry?

Am I writing/experiencing poetry?

Are there specific literary formats we have to adhere to?


TAITTINGERS (A new literary movement … drinking champagne while poetry forms itself — I dig that)

Add to bucket list: FORM A NEW LITERARY GROUP


Nothing has to be anything specific. But it can be ALL

Why is the Universe not called ALL when it is?

OMG, in German it is Das All

I just realised.


Calling the universe SPACE almost sounds like it is separate / apart from Earth in reference

There is us (Earth) and then there is outside us, which is Space.

But we are a part of All.

Das the All have parts? Is there any separation happening in the All?

Das = does

I am mixing German and English in my head

It’s so cool.

There is a reason.

German + English = Dutch

Coincidence? I think not

German + Ghanaen = ?


Bruno Latour

Looks interesting.


I am so thrilled with Jones 2.0

There is constant clarity with him.

He not only left me a Kaneel Brootje on the door but ON TOP OF that bought me a wooden spoon we established I needed last night. Boom

He not only messages me but ON TOP OF THAT his messages are clear and congruent

Ha, I feel like making sexual insinuations all the time … the tables have turned. I am constantly thinking about sex with him.

Funny how it works. It pops into my head with every text he sends me.

I hated it when he used to do it all the time. It annoyed me. It was so predictable. I don’t want to become that. So I will keep my mouth shut.

But I will still think.


Can habits ever be good?

Can habits be bad? Even good habits?

I generally hate habits.

I despise routine…

Isn’t routine not a frame of mind we think we need in order not to feel lost?

Is it not a structure which we think will keep us in check and from defending into the chaos of the mind?

Doesn’t it stifle FUN?

Sometimes you can shoot the messenger, when you believes he tints a message according to his/her beliefs or in order to makes him/herself appear in a better light.

Shoot the messenger if you suspect a message disguised as a messenger.

AM I A MESSENGER? And if so what is my message?

Maybe I am the message? Does the message have to do anything other than simply being the message? Does it have to carry itself anywhere? Does it have to transmit or speak itself? No.

I want to be the message rather than a messenger with a message.

Don’t shoot me. I am only the message.

AMSTERDAM DIARIES 2020+ Daily Philosopher Notes — Alchemy of Words. Creative Direction & Life Concept Creator