Freya von Bulow
4 min readJun 26, 2021


Diary Entry: 25.06.2021

Kinn (German) = chin (English) = kindere (Dutch)

Kind (German) = next of Kin(n) / child

What is the root of the word?

The connection?

I noticed that when I’m with someone, the first time is great.

The second time is fun.

The third time is already too much.

Usually a disappointment.

Unless love is involved.

Is three the magic number?

The first time is new and exciting.

The experience is fresh.

The conversation revealing.

Potential new truths discovered.

Different ways of thinking.

New ideas born.

Food to be shared.

Bodies to be explored.

The second time is familiarity.

Feeling of knowing and comfort therein.

Maybe a few straggling bits of new information gained.

But the third time is empty.

Like a chewing g without flavour.

I think I talked about this before.

And I’m experiencing it with C.

Last night’s conversation got boring.

The food was dry.

The sex nothing to write home about.

Total complacency.

We ended up doing balloons watching car crash videos on YouTube which was fun but unnecessary.

Was it?

It wasn’t conducive to a decent conversation.

Was it supposed to be?

And then he fell asleep.

I wish I hadn’t stayed.

Should’ve headed home.

To be honest I stayed for potential sex.


And it didn’t come.

But he came.

Too fast.

Waste of my time.

However, last night I had a cool idea.

Almost every guy I’ve stayed with had a coffee table with a drawer full of shit.

C. was looking for his nose ring yesterday and I emptied the drawer for him and laid everything neatly out.

I think it might be fun to do that with everyone I’m staying.

Would be an interesting photo series.

A new project.

If it’s not the IF

Or the HOW

And not even the WHEN ..

What is it?

I have ideas.

Lots of them.

Some briefly flare up but get discarded quickly.

Some are really exciting and I fall in love with them.

I catch fire over them.


However, I very rarely have the desire to take them further.

Why is that?

Is it that I already get so much joy and satisfaction from the idea that its fulfilment or reality doesn’t matter anymore?

Not necessary?

The potential is enough.

Why do I feel like that?

If I had turned these ideas around, I could potentially be very wealthy by now.


Or not.

Would I be different from my now self?

I wonder.

I wonder whether there is a reason I enjoy staying in the idea.

It’s creation too.

What’s the purpose of an idea without its realisation?

Realisations which truthfully need to instantly be negated.


What is left in the discussion is nothingness.

All inclusive nothingness.

All and nothing.

The middle.

Being without movement.

Stillness but not.

Everything is definition.

It is that.

And not.

We define in opposites.

With our limited senses.

But there are no opposites.

Basically everything is something AND unchartered territory.

Who do I want to be?







Which steps do I have to take?

Exactly the steps I am already taking.

When will it happen?

When will I say that I am an Oracle, Lover, Entrepreneur …. etc?

When I do.







What would I look like?

Like I look now.

What is more fun:

To write that I lived in my friend’s attic without a toilet and had to wee into a bucket one night or that I stayed at the Ritz in Paris and drank with George Clooney?

The latter.

Bring it on then.

How would I look like?

Glamorous if the latter.

Refined if the latter.

Time to step up.

Vivienne Westwood on a bike.

I want to be more visual.



Why not try it out?

For a laugh?

Why always only stay with the idea?

Am I blocking myself because of fear?


Am I simply lazy?


Am I not bothered about success and money?


But_and none of that matters.

Because all is valid.

So what else could be valid?

To bring all of my ideas to success!

Wouldn’t that be totally awesome?

To be asked how I do it and me simply shrugging my glamorous shoulders?

For people to come and request counselling sessions and us hanging out because they value my opinion?

Becoming mates in the long run?

Me jetting around the world?

The most glamorous of sofa surfers that ever existed?



Which other business idea do I really want to happen?

Has to do with




Shops to lease clothing for the future of remote living and working.

Lena contacted ✅

Stories = algorithms = patterns

“Everyone takes the limits of his own visions for the limits of the world.” (Arthur Schopenhauer)

I want to experience the thrill of making money!!!

If I had a break what would I do with it?

What is my maximisation strategy?

I want to be doing what I am already doing.

Having the best of time.

Am I?

Having the best time?

How could I have a better time?

Maximum fun?


In the right place at the right time.




Freya von Bulow

AMSTERDAM DIARIES 2020+ Daily Philosopher Notes — Alchemy of Words. Creative Direction & Life Concept Creator