Theme: LIVE ADVICE

19.02.2021

I never talked to my daughter about sex ..

My mum never did with me and I’m glad she didn’t. I would’ve been too embarrassed. And anyhow, I got my information from elsewhere.

So I presumed my daughter would feel/do the same.

However, since I’ve been sexually more explorative in the last couple of years, I always wondered:

Is she sexually active and fulfilled?

I was worried that she is not.

For some reason.

But how to bring it up?

We don’t see each other often and when we do see each other I don’t want to start a ‘mum’ talk.

Especially personal topics like that need to have a comfortable and calm setting which I admittedly don’t provide when she is visiting because I am so excited to see her.

Maybe that’s what she really needs from me instead.

I love her so much that I want to treat her when she is here, show her all my favourite places and treat her and make her feel special?

With food and things.

Interesting.

Anyway, we rarely talk about personal stuff. And I never know the right moment when to address things like

“Darling, do you use a dildo?”

But it’s been on my mind for a while …

3.44am and I woke up about an hour ago. I grabbed my phone and saw a message from her with a link asking me to fill in a customer survey for a business she is setting up.

I remember her previously showing me logo artwork but I wasn’t quite sure what the business was about.

And there is was!

A survey about Chrystal Dildos.

I couldn’t believe it!

How is that possible?

It was one of those open surveys where you can write stuff rather than tick multiple choice boxes …

Perfection

And since I vowed to always give honest and comprehensive feedback when asked for, I did.

It was like me talking to her through this survey.

And I was able to substantiate my feedback with my own personal experiences.

Live advice.

Advice I am living.

I could tell her that I never ever used sex toys since hands are the Swiss army knife of vibrators anyway. I could tell her that, however, I got tempted by the @Lelo #Sona vibrator which I ordered myself for Valentine’s but it sadly didn’t come on time but got cancelled for some reason leaving me without a date. I could tell her about the cheap Wish vibrator Jones bought me and how I was offended because it was too strong too loud too cheap and too f88king pink. How I was seeing someone who had a crystal dildo and I fancied trying it out on him but instead I got distracted and tied up. It was so much fun writing about all my experiences thereby giving good feedback.

And hopefully she will be able to use it to advance her business.

Her advantage.

It always only takes one.

Good feedback.

Inspired.

It was the talk I wanted and I believed she needed.

Even if it was completely useless to her, that’s cool too.

It was fun thinking it might be useful.

It was the talk I needed to know that she is ok.

Up to now I’ve always been in monogamous long-term relationships so what advice/feedback could I have given her before?

Certainly not in female sexual pleasure exploration.

But on monogamous long term relationships for sure.

Because that’s what I lived.

Happily.

One dildo.

And the occasional hand.

How could I have possibly advised her on anything else?

How to be sexually liberated and exploring and demanding my own pleasure?

How to tell her to not be afraid to stop a guy when he’s not serving the pussy correctly and explaining how it can be done better? Because I knew better?

How it is not acceptable to fake orgasms when sex is boring just to get it over and done with?

How fucking can be fun occasionally but that long term it needs to be play?

How for me sex has to be fun and often and dynamic, even without toys?

How I always thought that sex toys are only the last resort, like Valentine’s Day? How I always felt when sex toys are introduced early on in a relationship it’s a sign of lack of imagination and for me to get the fuck out?

That if someone asked me if I had sexy lingerie I want to slap them and say “Is this body not sexy enough for you, porn hub boy?”

But then there is nothing wrong with being an Agent Provocateur fan, and if I found a big box (btw. from before the original owners sold the business, please) under the Christmas tree and in the perfect size, I would certainly be a happy (Playboy) bunny.

The pleasure would be mutual.

Especially my pleasure for him being lit.

For knowing my body so well as to being able to choose the perfect sizing.

For knowing my mind so well as to being aware that Victoria’s Secret would’ve been an insult.

To my mind and my body.

That’s the key which opens up the temple.

But if you think you have to be a thief ..

Too many times I felt like being thieved. And for a long time I didn’t know what to do about it. But each time it was my choice to let someone in … because it was expected I felt.

And also I was horny.

So fair enough.

It’s not that I was raped.

But it was rarely satisfying.

And often it felt like theft.

I remember the first conscious time I felt like that. It was after I had sex for the first time with my first boyfriend. It was on a school trip in a little chateau in France and a strange affair. Like first times often are. But what I remember clearly was that after we were done (with whatever it was) we heard some of our class mates outside the door calling him and he just got dressed and left to join them.

I remember suddenly feeling utterly alone. Exposed, naked and alone.

Is that why cuddling and closeness after sex is so important to me?

Could it even be possible that I often ‘endured’ sex to get to the cuddling and closeness part knowing that with most guys only the last part is not enough?

Lying naked in the arms of someone I love is true intimacy for me.

Sex is not.

But sex was my way to get there.

So I thought.

And then the irony is that a lot of guys have this inbuilt falling-asleep-after-sex-trigger.

Like an uncharged laptop.

Which is a curious thing.

Why is that after sex men need to sleep and women need to talk?

Is it because that after the climax men are in the past and women are in the future?

That for men the potential is exhausted and for women it just opened up?

Maybe.

Would make sense if it was.

And there is also nothing wrong with that.

What about if a woman climaxes but the man not?

Would he be cuddly?

That’s another thing.

It is always presumed that sex is done once the man climaxes.

I had to demand from Jones to not come but make me come first and then it is up to me if I feel like more sex or not. It was fun that way because a lot is the time, once a guy comes, it’s over.

He then wouldn’t feel in the mood anymore which makes asking for cunnilingus seriously awkward.

And if I insist because I’m on fire, it becomes pressure and a chore and a fire extinguisher.

Sometimes I would just result to making myself come.

Which is kinda hot too and sometimes ignite him again but then I was done.

Sorry mate.

Cuddles?

SAVINGS

The rule is:

Whoever get’s paid, winwins. (The only exception applies with your salary but that’s another story)

By me paying rent for where I live now, I always thought I was lucky because I thought I am saving myself a lot of money.

So I was happy to pay rent.

While my landlord got paid rent PLUS he saved himself on rent while living.

Win win

While I only had save.

Interesting concept.

Seems that saving money doesn’t save it at all. On the contrary.

The key is not to buy something because it’s in the discount and you think you’re saving yourself money.

The key is not to need it in the first place.

What’s up with the prices at the moment?

I went to AH yesterday. They usually have bargains provided you have their bonus card to claim them. The bonus card is not for collecting points or anything. They just sell your details to Third Parties when you register. Money in the bank for them even if you never shop there.

Money for mere potential.

I look out for the bonuses.

Sometimes I buy Kibbeling (little pieces of battered fish) which on bonus day is under €4. Yesterday, I saw the little orange bonus label on the Kibbeling and fancied it so I grabbed a packet. However, when I looked closer at the price (which is the tiniest), it said over €5.

WTF?

Same size box.

F88k that!

So I put it back.

And got a bag of crisps instead.

Same nutritional value.

Under €1

I don’t plan food because I don’t enjoy the process. So I always thought that by going every day and scanning for bargains, I would save myself money.

Seems I was totally wrong.

Because being one of those people who do their groceries when almost hungry and without a clue of what to eat, I am wide open for scams.

An orange label addict.

I see the orange label and think 🤔 hmmm, I could have that for dinner, literally making me a Pavlov Dog.

I would start to mentally, sometimes physically depending on how hungry I am, drool.

Trigger-physical reaction.

Making me think I’m having a bargain. While totally being manipulated and taken for a ride because whatever the price on that label, I think bargain!

Genius.

I know that supermarkets have pricing strategies playing on our perception combined with display strategies to play some more but with the bonus thing I am personally offended.

So I will stop drooling.

F88k you.

The only thing I will be paying

from now on is

Attention.

I catch myself thinking that Jones didn’t know my true value but he totally did.

But F88k me, he used to be a pricing analyst for a Dutch Bank!

He probably invented prices.

F88k you!

Coffee with mild in glass doesn’t work.

It looks ugly. Watery.

At least with what I thought was my magic formula of pouring in the milk first and then the coffee.

Ha! I just poured the coffee I had ‘saved’ into the glass first and then the milk, and it doesn’t look ugly anymore.

Interesting.

Ok, I shall pour the milk in first when I drink from a (white because I prefer white) cup and the coffee first when I drink out of the glass.

This should be the perfect coffee solution.

Let’s see.

And I still haven’t figured out which tastes better: a puff of smoke first and coffee after or the other way around.

I shall pay better attention.

Maybe the perfect combination is having no milk at all?

Taking my coffee black?

#nondairy

It seems to be a thing with a lot of people. And cutting out dairy altogether also seems a thing.

I should try.

But I love my Greek Yogurt.

Well, I will start with no mild in coffee first and see if I like it.

No pressure, small steps.

I feel I need to start pooling my assets.

And stop paying for stuff unconsciously.

In subscriptions.

So I stopped my Adobe CS subscription because I don’t use it anymore. It used to be my life when working as a Graphic Designer but it’s not anymore.

Done.

And I stopped my Spotify subscription too although music is my life.

But at the moment my priority is to get rid of my UK expenses, and this is part of it. When I unfollowed Spotify, they ‘threatened’ me with ads and I have to admit I’m dreading them.

They are the worse.

F88k you!

I made some sick playlists on Spotify so I should not have to pay.

I created content.

WTF, they should be paying me.

Or giving me the service for free.

If the ads come, and it’s too annoying, I shall simply stop using them altogether.

Maybe start singing instead.

All the songs are in my head now anyway and I wonder how much royalties the individual artist gets anyway.

I remember that my ex used to get like $0.001 royalty from a song he co-wrote which was such a small amount and held in the US that he was never able to claim it.

Ironic.

Their excuse became my excuse.

For paying.

But we create jobs.

But we work hard to bring you music.

But we have expenses to cover.

Excuses.

And I believed it was fair enough.

To be taken for a ride.

Most (of their) employees are underpaid considering they are dedicating 80% of their life to working for them.

Modern day slavery.

Accepted.

And then get taxed.

Never mind #blacklivesmatter

Only a handful of people receive big salaries.

So where do all the profits go?

Disappear into … wait for it …

Tax breaks, baby.

Because accounting is genius like that but most people are scared of it and prefer not to understand it.

Not use it to their advantage.

Me included.

But I’m working on it.

#accounting is what should be taught in school.

The #education of money.

But that’s not done.

Why?

Because people would understand the system.

And then it won’t be a system anymore.

Indeed.

I said I’d go where I am invited. At the moment

That is Ghana.

That is Surinam.

That is Berlin.

Where to go?

Don’t I have to start making preparations to be able to go?

Should I not start booking a flight or something if my jumping deadline is 15th March since I won’t have my home in Amsterdam anymore?

I’m getting nervous.

What do I think is the most important for me at the moment?

I think Ghana is.

I got some lose ends there.

So why don’t I book?

Because I cannot be bothered to pay €300 for ridiculous and completely taking the piss Covid tests.

The biggest money scam of all.

I want to travel without that hassle.

And I know that people do.

Diplomats for example.

People are always on their phone.

If they don’t reply it means

they choose to.

Indulge them.

Or not.

Question:

When I got something for free and sell it for €10 what is the mark-up in %?

🤔