Theme: CONCESSION RIGHT

Is it right to stalk your ex’s Netflix account to get inspiration for movies to watch.

WTF

And not thinking it inappropriate to do it or in fact to share this piece of information?

WTFF

Shall I be pleased that it was thought nothing of it? Because it really is no big deal. I guess.

But it annoys me. And I said. I think it is fucked up. Just because he mentions one of his exes at least once every day we are together.

I overlooked it for ages.

And I made sure I didn’t mention my exes to him because I didn’t want him to feel jealous. Because I do… a tiny bit.

When I expressed my nuisance to him this evening, he laughed and said that once we go into the girlfriend scenario, he won’t mention them anymore.

And I remembered: I am not his girlfriend.

But his Muse. That’s what we had agreed upon. Or more I insisted and he reluctantly agreed.

So, I have the prerogative not to give a fuck and I forgot to use it!

I can mention exes. He can mention exes.

I can go off to the country when invited without him, if I please. And he can do the same.

I can go off on a city trip to see my friends, if I please. So can he.

I can meet people. He can meet people.

Why do I think I can’t?

I need to keep on doing exactly what I want! I am a Muse.

Restricting myself is my choice.

I can’t restrict myself around him and then be pissed off. Doesn’t work.

How can I do things and not think anything of it? By not thinking anything of it, by not projecting.

MAKING CONCESSIONS

Why do I think I have to make concessions in order to be in a relationship? I suppose one cannot do everything one wants all the time while considering the other. Aren’t we in relationships because we WANT to consider someone else? What am I considering? Am I considering that what I do effects the other? Doesn’t it?

Does it?

What if someone wants to go left and I wants to go right? Is splitting the only option to make sure that both get what they want? What is the win win option here?

I am always open to explore the option of right. It can be fun, I might find out that right is cool. Maybe at times better even than left. but what if right sucks? What if I wish I would’ve persisted with left? I can always choose left next time. But it doesn’t work if I want to go right then?

What about always choosing the middle? A direction nobody suggested. Is it practical? It makes both feel they are not making concessions. But the middle could also be a concession if I really want to go left. What now?

Being open about things is the key I guess. Not thinking anything of it. But when there are two and a decision needs to be made, there needs to be a discussion. A conscious one.

And how much right is too much? Sometimes it’s cool. And maybe another time is still is cool … but what about after that?

When does right become a habit?

And in the grand scheme of things it does not matter. It is only an option as valid as left. But why does right become restrictive at some point? Why does it not feel so good, like NOW?

Sometimes I can choose left and sometimes I can make the concession it favour of right. As I please. But when is the correct time to choose either?

Without feeling concession-ed?